if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
