Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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