OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
