Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Im part way to drunk.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
