I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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