I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
