Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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