I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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