so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
