It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
