I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
