I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
