Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
