Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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