That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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