You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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