am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
