Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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