please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
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Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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