Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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