just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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