I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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