I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
