If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
