i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
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