...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
