you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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