haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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