I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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