Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
