And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
