get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
