Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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