i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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