The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
