she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
my shit smells like andre
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
