I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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