You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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