I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
