Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
