I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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