Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
