TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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