just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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