She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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