At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
