im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
