whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
he puts the penis in happiness.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
