Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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