My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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