just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize