just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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