Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
So much Jack, so little girl.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
