Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
