i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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