We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize