apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
