i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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