I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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