see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
you inspire me to be a worse person
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize