Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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