What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
