the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
