At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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