whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize