"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize