Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
