um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
