College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize