For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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