i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
