i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
