Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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