He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
