guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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