like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
