Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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